Today i wish to start this write-up by employing this quote by Chinua Achebe "The truest test of integrity, is its blunt refusal to be compromised."
A friend of mine, though late now taught me an important lesson that I am yet to forget, he said "Nnamdi, the best form of defence is offence"
Also during my brief transition, through the Faculty of Law, Unizik, I learnt a principle of Law that till now still resonates deeply within me, and it is, "Volenti non fit injuria" this is a defence in tort which means where a person engages in an event accepting and aware of the risks inherent in that event, then they cannot later complain of, or seek compensation for an injury suffered during the event. This is used often to defend against tort actions as a result of a sports injury. In other words "Someone who cannot take a punch should stay out of the ring."
I know right now, you are wondering what am I really driving at? I will tell you shortly, just stay with me...
Can i ask a pertinent question? Why do people seem to always love playing the victim card? This is especially applicable to our young ladies, who one would quite often hear make comments like, " I wasn't expecting that from him, I really didn't know he could do that."
Can I warn you now, even God in heaven who created man gave them the gift of free-will, he allowed them the liberty of making choices and decisions by themselves. Though His desire is that they make the right ones , yet He equally makes provision for the worse, no wonder the lamb was slained before the foundation of the world.
I am writing this because, a lot of our ladies, who have decided to be too trusting have paid darely for it, some with their lives, while some others with their dignity.
The word "trust", itself is a great risk, yet many tend to ravish it extravagantly. Even the Christian Bible warned
" be you therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves."
People often get surprised when I tell them that I am very reluctant to trust anything that has a mind of its own, both human beings and animals. We must understand that trust shouldn't be a given, it must be earned. No wonder a great man was quoted to have said "Trust but Verify".
A lot of ladies who ended up being raped or molested, would always say something like "I trusted him..." Sometimes I would want to ask them, " is it that you trusted him to be impotent, or that he is merely a log of wood without emotions or sexual drive? "
A friendly tutor, many years ago would always remind us, though jokingly that " a risen penis has no conscience"
I have discovered through my interaction with many young persons, that a lot of our young ladies who experienced sex at a very young age, experienced it in the hands of people they least expected it from. Some at the hands of their guardians, teachers, pastors, house helps, even Uncles and Aunties too, then for some others it was at the hands of their very own biological fathers etc
Don't look so shocked, this happens everyday, even in your own neighbourhoods, and perhaps your own homes as well. This is why we must always be conscious what we expose, or allow our children to be exposed to, both consciously and unconsciously.
Just recently a young lady asked me, " why is it that almost 99.9 percent of married men cheat on their wives? " Obviously I don't agree with her statistics, but I understand the tendency for the human mind to want to generalise, especially when they have had similar experiences.
I told her this, " A man brings into his marriage, what he was as a single." If you marry a promiscuous man, a wedding ring or a change in marital status does not necessarily cure him from promiscuity. He would certainly bring that into your marriage. But that's not my main concern for now, maybe someday I will write on it.
But the truth is, a young woman who decides to date and ultimately marry a young man with drug and alcohol problems, trusting he would change someday, deserves what would ultimately come her way. You must understand what he needs. He needs help, not companionship! Also you must understand that, if he doesn't change to get you, he won't change when he already has you.
Secondly, a young woman who sees a married man, and knowing he is married, yet willingly flirts with him both consciously and unconsciously for the sake of either material or financial benefits, deserves what would ultimately come her way!
You don't want to have sex, yet you followed him to his house dressed seductively trusting he is a good man, who cannot hurt a fly. Let me tell you, you deserve what will ultimately come your way!
Furthermore, you are a virgin and you wish to remain that way, yet you sex-talk, sex-chat and do other things with him. Trust me, you deserve what is coming your way!
It is funny how many of our ladies, who claim to be virgins, are only virgins theoretically, they have done everything in the book, but sex. They claim they are virgins because nobody has ever entered into the promised land just yet, however they permit going round and round, and even semi entry, like it was the wall of Jericho. Don't worry one day it will surely fall!
Can we please be sincere with ourselves just this once? Don't play with fire, trusting you won't get burnt. Say no, and stand by it, define yourself and let him know where you stand from the very start.
Don't say No, yet you are busy giving him green light, are you a defective Traffic Light? You should know that guys generally don't respond well to double signals, they tend to conclude that, it is an indication that all that is required is just a little persistence.
In conclusion, stay away from the ring, if you can't take a punch. To avoid stories that touches the heart and scratches the buttocks!
Thank you for your patience, i just wanted to make common sense!
Written by,
Ekwegbalu Nnamdi.
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